The Ultimate Elden Ring Challenge (for HARDCORE GAMERS only)
‘Sup gamers. *sips Monster Energy Drink Lo-Carb a couple times, then wipe my lip with my Minecraft hoodie sleeve*
I don’t have to tell you that in five more sleeps the big one’s coming out. That’s right. Elden Ring. We will restart counting the years beginning at this game’s release.
Because you clicked on this article, I can be sure that you think you’re a bit of a hardcore gamer. And I know how the Souls games attract hardcore gamers. So, all you so-called hardcore gamers, who among you is prepared to accept my devilishly difficult challenge?
Don’t pick Prisoner
FromSoftware has been hard at work to meet fan expectations. Since the release of Demon’s Souls, FromSoftware has provided fans with an excellent choice of starting classes for the player character in each of its games.
In Elden Ring however, FromSoftware made a huge oversight. While once again players will have ten character classes to choose from, one of the classes FromSoftware has created is clearly far superior to the others.
I’m talking about the Prisoner. Everyone loves this guy. Everyone except Andy Chalk of PC Gamer who had trash to talk in an article titled Elden Ring’s Prisoner class is the weirdest one of the bunch (so far).
That helmet looks like a cross between The Man in the Iron Mask and a Big Daddy prototype that really didn’t work out, and you have to think that it’s bound to be a hindrance in a fight. Peripheral vision has to be effectively non-existent with that thing on, and how are you supposed to hear anything in there?
It goes without saying that Chalk’s foolish words will obviously stand corrected once Elden Ring drops and the Prisoner is unleashed upon the world. But to further illustrate the Prisoner’s superiority, let’s go over all the evidence available before Elden Ring’s release.
First of all, the Prisoner doesn’t have a stupid or silly mask, contrary to what naysayers like Chalk suggest. The Prisoner’s bulbous metal mask is a bundle of interesting design choices.
When I first see the mask I think, “What did this crazy ass guy do to get put in a helmet like that?” then I think “How did they get it on his head?” They either built the helmet around the poor guy or they greased up his head and forcefully squished it inside. Either way, the fact that the Prisoner has survived his cruel imprisonment suggests he’s a bit of a badass. But that’s not all — his hard hat curiously lacks an eye hole.
Two lore-important characters shown thus far in Elden Ring promotional material share this one-eyed appearance: Melina (this game’s level-up maiden) and The Snow Witch (her mysteriously similar-looking counterpart). Some have connected this theme, with additional support from the clear Norse mythology inspiration in the art direction, to the deity Odin. So that’s cool.
Aside from the specific details, the mask just looks cool, okay? Too cool, compared to the rest of the starting classes (all of whom the prisoner could kill with ease). Same goes for those sick tattered threads. . . I know whose look I’m stealing this spring. But there’s more than just his looks.
Yet another interesting facet to this most interesting class.
Oh yeah don’t pick this guy by the way. That’s the whole point of this article. He’s too cool-looking and strong. I challenge you to not pick him. Good luck!